We Are Worthy

This morning, I woke up with a pretty downcast spirit.  As I was driving to work, those feelings began to intensify; and I was becoming overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness as though I just wasn’t good enough.  I went over my scripture confessions as usual and when they were finished, I quietly began to pray, asking God for his peace,  love, and to help me keep it together.  Then I began to think about the blood of Jesus.  So far in my praying and confessions, I hadn’t convinced myself that I had a place of significance.  In fact, my thoughts of self-loathing seemed to increase more and more.  But, as I thought about the cross of Christ, I began to recall the worthiness of the Lamb.  Worthy is the Lamb that was slain.  If for no other reason than the fact that the blood of Jesus is covering me and you, we are worthy and of great value.

Now, this morning, I know that I was being attacked by the enemy, but the same blood the openly triumphed over the devil, making an open spectacle of him on Calvary, is the same blood that can triumph over every devil that comes our way to steal our joy, peace, love, faith, and hope.  Depression does not come from God, but it is an attack of the enemy that is effectively working against the church of Christ.  Yet, God is greater.

Acts 10:15 admonishes, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”  That word impure can mean common, unholy, defiled, polluted, or profane.  Things that are considered polluted, defiled or profane are often counted as worthless.  Why do you think the devil loves to rehearse all of our faults and short comings?  How many times have we let Satan tell us about how messed up, polluted, and worthless we are?  Yet, if you have been washed in the blood you have been made clean.  Stop agreeing with Satan and start agreeing with God.  Regardless of where you have been or what you have done in the past, do not call your self worthless, unworthy, tainted, degraded, ordinary, messed up, or any other lie the enemy told you because God has made you clean.  That is what the blood of Jesus is for.  That blood makes you worthy.

Be encouraged this morning.

Apart from Me, You Can do Nothing

Let me give you a little background on this. I'm writing a book, and the past few days I've gotten up at 5 am to write, but it has just been hard. It just wasn't coming and I know that previously when I was writing, it just flowed. The Holy Spirit would just download what I was supposed to write. So, needless to say, I knew something was wrong. So this morning when I got up, the Lord gave me a nice rebuke and I wanted to share with you part of it. Apart from me, you can do nothing. I need you to know that and believe that. I need you to live intimately with the fact that apart from me you can do nothing. I want you to submit yourself to that. 

Apart from me you can do nothing. My people do not believe that and my ministers and prophets don’t believe that so they try to do the work of the ministry apart from me. They try to do my work based on their talents, based on their natural abilities. They have not sought me like I’m their daily bread. They haven’t gone after me like I’m their living water. They haven’t sought my face like their lives depended on it because they don’t believe, “apart from me, you can do nothing.”

Many ministers are burnt out in ministry, burnt out in their families, confused as to whether or not this really works because they don’t believe that apart from me they can do nothing. They are constantly trying to do my work disconnected from me. It won’t work; it can’t work.

“Yes, I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me and I in them will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing.” John 15:5 NLT

Talk About Being Kept

Tomorrow will mark the two-year anniversary of that life changing grocery run at Aldi. It was the day I met my husband. He would propose about two weeks later. In another week, I’d say yes. Four months later we would be married. And, the rest is history.

It all happened so quickly, but with much prayer and fasting. For those who have heard our testimony, it is one only God could write seasoned with all the signs and confirmations anyone could ask for and I asked for a lot. If you haven’t heard it, you should because it is a good story and we like to tell it. For us, it was clear that God brought us together.

So, let’s fast forward to this weekend. We traveled to Atlanta for General Conference and to see family and friends. It was our first trip since the birth of our son, Isaiah. On the way home, we’d made it just past Chattanooga and Isaiah started yelling his head off. Two minutes later, we catch a flat going 70 miles per hour down I-24. We stop and I feed the baby as Dennis changes the tire. Then, back in the car and another hundred miles, we are back at home.

The next morning, I’m looking for my breast pump and I figure its still in the car. I go outside and pop the trunk. As, I’m opening it, I look down and see my husband’s wedding band. I figure it fell off when he was bringing the luggage in the night before. I grab it and make my way back in the house. Once inside, I hand Dennis the ring telling him that I found it on the car. He takes it and slowly begins to pace as if pondering something. Then, he looks up and tells me, “The last time I saw my ring was last night after I changed the tire. When I was finished, I wanted to clean my hands so I took it off and placed it on the bumper in front of the license plate.”

A hundred miles later, through the twist and turns, peaks and valleys of east Tennessee’s mountainous landscape, I found his ring on the car’s bumper in the same place he left it. The more I think of the terrain of the roads we traveled to get home, the more I’m amazed. Through the dark of night, we trekked up steep inclines, around the road’s bends, and over bumps, potholes, and a railroad track. Like our marriage, the path was an assortment of geography sometimes challenging and at others it was smooth sailing. It’s constant change and continual motion. And, the ring was held steady on the bumper the entire ride. Honestly, our marriage has been under attack for a few months and a point of constant prayer. And, it seems God just sent us a good omen. Two years ago, we knew God was with us as we started on this journey, and this weekend, he left us a reminder of his power to keep us regardless of where the road may lead.

Stop It Or You'll Go to Hell

Stop it or you’ll go to hell. This seems to be a pervasive stance that many Christians take in responding to the gay, lesbian and transgendered community. It is such a touchy topic that often is only addressed with big signs and loud shouts of “repent” at gay rallies or behind closed doors or as we whisper between ourselves. Sometimes we act as though it doesn’t exist and we don’t have to address it. In some Christian circles, gay bashing is still acceptable and homophobia is a way of life only challenged by “the moral decay” of our society instead of the redemptive love they claim to believe in. Yet, more and more, some churches are coming up with a better response to this community while others just wade their way through the murky waters.

Sadly, the gay community thinks that Christians hate them. It is understandable given that the most vocal Christian response to homosexuals has been as political opponents rather than spiritual outreach to this largely unchurched community. I think the idea that Christians hate the LGT community should break the heart of every believer especially because we are to be known by our love. A friend of mine befriended a gay guy at her job. She was seeking God about their friendship and the Holy Spirit responded, “I only want you to love him. He believes that Christians hate him. Since they hate him, he thinks I hate him.” Much worst than the thought of Christian hate, this community largely thinks the God, defined by his unyielding, unfailing, unending, unconditional love, hates them. That’s the heart breaker.

I was talking with a Christian young lady struggling with lesbianism. She confessed with her mouth the Lord Jesus and believes that God has raised him from the dead; yet, did not have an assurance of salvation. So I asked her if she believed that the blood of Jesus could cover even that. “I used to. But, so many people just tell me I’m gonna go to hell.” She used to really pray, but now her only whisper is “God save me.”

Stop it!

This young lady wasn’t sure of her salvation because she still struggles with her sexuality. She still sins. Unfortunately, someone along the way told her “stop it, or you’ll go to hell.” I wonder how that “stop it” theology is working for them. You know, I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life. Sugar is a problem for me. I’ve eaten a whole pie on more than one occasion, and have devoured plates of desserts at a fellowship dinners. Last I heard, that was a sin called gluttony. Now, have I gotten better? Yeah. Are there some things I just don’t bring home? You betcha. But, do I ever slip up? Absolutely! The bible lists gluttony among the seven deadly sins. Philippians 3 talks about those whose god is their belly and their end is destruction. Paul reminds us that whatever we eat or drink; we should do it all to the glory of God. God doesn’t get much glory when I overeat. But, I’ve yet to hear a pastor preach all fat people are going to hell.

“Stop it” theology doesn’t work. If we could just stop it, why do we need Jesus? The law told us that we were wrong but it lacked power to deliver us from the sin. Jesus didn’t die for behavior modification. Let’s say that again because it is important: Jesus didn’t die for behavior modification. Jesus died to restore the relationship between God and man. God woos us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” He draws us with bands of love. It is the goodness of God that draws us to repentance. I can come boldly before the throne not because I modified my behavior, but because Jesus loves me and has covered me with his righteousness. I’m not condemned because I’m in Christ Jesus. I’ve been justified, or declared righteous, in the midst of my sins. Now, I’m being sanctified, which is the process of becoming righteous, and that is going to take the rest of my life. I’ll stop sinning completely when I’m glorified, and that happens when I get to heaven. Stop it or you’ll go to hell is not the salvation message.

The church is the body of Christ and our actions must line up with his heart when we are dealing with anyone but more specifically gays and lesbians. God promises, “I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.” God promised to heal and to love so we must follow after the Father’s heart. When people come into communion with Christ, they change just by looking upon him. Sometimes in our zeal for righteousness we lose our zeal for his heart and his love. I dare say that there are some gays and lesbians who are saved. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that when he appears we will be like him, because we will see him just as he is. It’s in seeing Jesus, that we start looking like him. So let’s make sure we aren’t preventing anyone from seeing him, regardless of what their struggle or sins may be.

So let’s apply the real salvation method to those struggling with homosexuality. They hear the word, repent (they turn towards God), and receive Jesus as their Savior and Lord. As a savior, Jesus saves them in the midst of their sin, covers them with his blood, and the Father declares that homosexual righteous because the blood of Jesus covers him. As Lord, Jesus and that person enter into communion and Jesus leads the way. Sometimes that newly saved person will fall, slip up and screw up. When that happens, it’s easy for him to believe the lie that he isn’t walking with God, or isn’t saved, or he’s going to hell. But, that is a lie. The Word says, “But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world.” Now as Lord, Jesus calls the shots and tells us the right way to go, but if we slip up, he is our advocate and reminds the Father that he already paid the penalty for what happened last night. Then Jesus picks him back up, dusts him off, and they begin the journey again.

God: Keep your money! I want heart

This week has been quite interesting. I found myself in conflict with a person who has been a great friend and confidant for years. I was really grieved at how our friendship seemed to be eroding. It takes two to start a friendship, and both parties play a role in any dissolution. Lately, I’ve been coming to grips with the fact that every person seems right in their own eyes. I’m justified in my feeling and she’s justified in hers. That’s just the way it goes.

I thought about it all night, and in the morning as I was tidying up, a verse came to mind. “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). I think the interesting thing about this verse is that it doesn’t say anything about how I am feeling. It’s not talking about whether or not I have ill feelings towards someone, but rather, ill feelings towards me.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I stay in church. But, what if, God would rather that I stay home until I had settled things with my sister. We can get really religious in the fact that we are a “tither and a giver.” But, what happens if our tithe and offering is not acceptable to God when we are in conflict with one another? I think it is possible that we can tithe faithfully, but still be robbing God if we aren’t walking in love toward his children. What if we are “planting seed” and God doesn’t want it because we haven’t cultivated our love.

Needless to say, I was trying to work this issue out before midweek service. I’m grateful that God knows how to restore relationships because he did work it out for us. We were able to settle the matter amicably. I just can’t help but to wonder what church would look like if we heeded the voice of scripture. I’m sure some pastors would fear that both church and the offering plate would be empty. But, I doubt it. I think. The church would look a whole lot more like Christ. People would really know that we are Christians by our love.

The Inspiration of Miseducation

Dennis and I were in Target one day going through the music section. As we were flipping though the cd’s, I found The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. That album dropped in like 98-99, my senior year of high school. She made hip-hop history by winning 5 Grammy’s. When that cd came out, I listened to it constantly and loved it. Of course, some way, some how, it got borrowed (umm…stolen) when I went to college. Now, I knew that cd was fire. But, fast forward 10 years, and I realize that Lauryn is a prophet cuz she was singing my diary before I got a chance to write it.

Track 3—Ex-Factor: I keep letting you back in. How can I explain myself? As crazy as this thing has been, I just can’t be with no one else. See, I know what we’ve got to do. You let go and I’ll let go too ‘cause no one’s hurt me more than you. And, no one ever will…

I know ya’ll remember that, and I’m not talking about the song. Heaven only knows how many times I went around that mountain with that boy. Forget about letting him back in, I never let him leave. It’s true; I didn’t think that I could be with anyone else or that there would ever be anyone else. I think sometimes we like to put the blessing before the Blesser, turning that blessing into a curse. For me, there was a long time that I thought that the only way I would be blessed is if it came one way. Please believe that God is so much bigger than that.

Track 8—When It Hurts So Bad: I loved real, real hard once, but the love wasn’t returned. Found out the man I’d die for, he wasn’t even concerned. I tried, and I tried, and I tried to keep him in my life. I cried, and I cried, and I cried, but I couldn’t make it right.

I lived here so long it was ridiculous. But, the truth is there are very few of us who don’t come here and pitch a tent. Anything that could have been a blessing was turning into a curse. This was a time that made me question a lot, but mainly me. When you do everything you can to keep someone, and everything you know to make them happy all to no avail, you can’t help but thinking that you are the problem. Sometimes we make the mistake of wrapping up all our self-worth into someone else. It’s one of the biggest mistakes we can make. It’s idolatry against our selves and against our God. See, I thought this feeling it was all that I had. But, how could this be love that makes me feel so bad? It’s not.

Track 9—I Used to Love Him: Father you saved me and showed me that life was much more than being some foolish man's wife; showed me that love was respect and devotion, greater than planets deeper than oceans. My soul was weary but now it's replenished, content because that part of my life is finished.

When I got to this point, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. I was so happy. I’d loved him, lost him, and forgave him. Then, I was able to start loving me, and I gave my affections back to my God. You know, I wasn’t just angry with some guy. I was angry with God; deep down, I thought it was his fault, and He was the reason I wasn’t happy. Then I encountered His love. You are never the same after you’ve experienced the love of God. His love is constant regardless of you. He doesn’t love based on how good I am, but based on how good He is. I traded my sorrow for the joy of the Lord. And everyone I met could tell. I finally let go, not just of some guy, but all the baggage I collected in process of trying to hold on to him.

Track 15—Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You: You're just too good to be true; can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At last long love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true; can't take my eyes off you.

I’s married now! My husband is everything that I prayed for and more. God literally answered every prayer concerning my husband, and there were a lot of times that I didn’t even think He was listening. God doesn’t just hear us, but He answers. Honestly, I had a long list. The list I prayed was pretty short, but the one in my heart just got longer with time. Over the past 10 years, there were a lot of times I just said “my husband is going to do this” or “I want my husband to do that.” I actually don’t remember everything that I said, but every so often Dennis does something and God reminds me that its what I asked for. Case in point, when I was growing up in Ohio, I used to play chess daily, but once I moved south, I only found someone to play with sporadically (like once every few years sporadically). I kept my chess set on display in my living room and sometimes I would glance at it and say, “I want my husband to play chess.” We never played while we were dating, but one day, Dennis grabs the chess board. Our first game was a stalemate. God had given me a worthy opponent. We don’t eat the same foods (except for sweets), don’t like the same music, and didn’t keep the same company. We’re from two different worlds, but love the same great game.

Track 16—Tell Him: Now I may have faith to make mountains fall, but if I lack love then I am nothin' at all. I can give away everything I possess, but left without love then I have no happiness. I know I'm imperfect and not without sin, but now that I'm older all childish things end. And tell him...

It’s definitely been a journey. I’m at the end of me, and we have only just begun. The two have become one and such a union can only be sustained by love. Everyday, we are perfecting that love walk. We can only give what we’ve first received. Only after I received that love from my Daddy (God), was I able to extend it. It’s funny, when I get upset with Dennis, I listen to this song. When I’m just happy and basking in his love, I listen to this song. This song speaks of that good loving, that bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all. That kind of loving is good on a bad day.

Better Than Expected

So if you don’t know by now, I’m getting married. Funny thing is that it didn’t happen the way I always expected. I’m not marrying the one I waited years for (can I get a hallelujah on that one!!! Oh Bless the Lord). No, the truth is God gave me so much better. I literally thank the Lord every day for the wonderful man that He has brought into my life. He is honestly more than I ever expected. When I met him, I thought maybe what I prayed for was possible. Now, I realized that my prayers have been answered. He is just that kind of man.

When I take the time to look back over the past relationships and heartbreaks, I don’t regret a single moment of it because the journey still led me here. There were those moments that I thought that I would never get a good man. My father once told me, “The love of the husband should awaken the love of the wife.” In other words, my love would be kindled in response to the love I received from my husband. If you have ever been in a toxic relationship where you were doing all the loving and hoping that one day it would be good enough, you can understand why I never thought that I would experience that type of love. I guess that is why I’m just so grateful to God that my prayers were answered.

I think I spent a lot of time in my life hoping that God was as good as they say He is. Now, don’t get me wrong. Most of you know that I am the first to tell you that God is good. I have known the goodness of God in his provision, his comfort, and his care. I’d seen God work so mightily in my life and I trusted him in every area, save one…matters of the heart. In this particular area, I hoped that God was as faithful as he was in the other areas of my life.

In January of this year, I prayed a really hard prayer. In fact, I felt so bad for saying it. I remembered the faithfulness of God and how he had delivered me, healed my brokenness, and provided for every one of my needs. I told God how I trusted him. He’d proved himself time and time again. “This I recall to mind therefore I have hope. It’s because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed. For, his compassions fail not and his mercies are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.” Then I said the unthinkable, “Lord, I trust you in every area of my life save one…my heart. I trust you with everything but in this thing I don’t trust you because you have not proven yourself faithful.” Then I wept. It broke my heart to say such a thing to my Lord. Tears cloud my vision even now as I write about it. Maybe, I wept because he wept. Maybe, it broke my heart to say it because it had broken his heart to knowing that is the way I felt for years.

How a faithful God listens to his baby girl tell him that he hasn’t proven himself faithful is beyond me. After I said it, I cried myself to sleep, but God was there. He hovered over me that night and ministered to me as I slept. I don’t know what he did or even what all he said, but I woke up changed. I remember the Holy Spirit just loved on me all night long; he loved past my hurt and past my pain. His presence was so sweet even though my prayer wasn’t. The following morning, I uttered the day’s first words, “Lord, I trust you. I even trust you with my heart.”

I look back now and realize it was just a few short months ago. The darkest hour is just before dawn. God knew the blessing that he had in store for me even when it wasn’t anywhere I could see. I’m just so glad I decided to trust him. It’s been well worth the wait, and God truly is faithful.