Something about waiting

I was sitting in my first apartment wondering what direction my life was going to take. The months to follow my college graduation were not turning out the way I expected. I walked across the stage proud of the fact that I finished two degrees in four years and graduated magna cum laude. But sitting in that apartment, with $10 to my name, no job, and facing eviction, I couldn't help but question God's leading. I thought I'd heard him and that I was going in the right direction, but I'd looked for job after job to no avail. Now, I was fasting and praying looking for answers. A friend called. She said that she'd been praying for me, and while in prayer the Lord said to her, "Don't worry about Alicia. I'm taking care of her." At that moment, I couldn't see his hand. But, as you can imagine, He proved faithful and took care of me.

Years have now passed. I have a nice quaint life. It's peaceful, and I'm provided for. I have need of nothing, but there sure are some things that I want. This past week, I was walking the floor at work and a gentleman stop me. He said, "Alicia I was praying for you. I know you are getting your M. div and I think that's wonderful. But so many of our sisters go and get their M. Div and there's just nothing for them when they get out. I don't want to see that happen to you so I was praying for you. And you know what the Lord said? He said, 'Don't worry about Alicia. I'm taking care of her.'" When I heard it, I immediately remembered that they were the same words spoken to me years ago, but I guess I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words again.

This weekend sitting in church, the pastor was teaching on types of prayer that transform our lives and the world around us. He got on persevering prayer and it struck me. Then I heard the Holy Spirit say "who will stir himself up to take hold of God?" Honestly, I didn't know exactly how to take it. Okay, God if you want me to take hold of you, I will. It's my heart to serve Him. But, that's what I've been doing. I've prayed, cried, fasted, and waited, while years continue to pass as the promises go unfulfilled. Yet, God ask me to stir myself up to take hold of him. It's funny, as pastor was talking about persevering prayer he said it was like fastening yourself to someone. I think of a little kid grabbing hold of the leg of their father as he walks around dragging that child along for the ride.

I used to like getting a "word" or prophecy, but now the only confirmation I want is for God to do it. I guess I'm like that child in the backseat of the car asking, "Are we there yet?" My legs are cramped and the scenery on the highway does not seem to be changing much. In fact when I look around me it seems that not much has changed and I can't tell that I'm any closer to the promise than before. However, when I stop just looking at the circumstances and the common scenery and start looking at the mile markers, I see how far we've come. Ever notice on a road trip how mile 2 and mile 200 both look the same. However, at mile 200, you are almost there if you just hold tight. We need not worry, because Daddy really is taking care of us.

Gal 6:9: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Ps 27:13-14: I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.