Just an observation

These days interracial dating is at a all time high. For me, it's neither here nor there. People do what they want and I'm not trippin off of it at all. I just must share this observation that I have found. Maybe someone can help me understand this. I have noticed when I got out with my girls in a laid back setting where we are mingling whenever there is a black guy with a white girl he feels compelled to come over and talk to us. I'm not really talking about hey how ya doing. No, he feels the need talk us, act goofy to make us laugh, and do some kinda song and dance.

I'm a pretty friendly and outgoing person and this would be okay if he didn't leave his white girlfriend/date on the other side of the room. Or, if she is close by he doesn't mention her or introduce her. I'm not sure about what anyone else thinks, but that is rude.

Once my ex did something like that. He's off talking to my friends not sure how to say something to me, and this girl is just standing there looking waaaaay out of place. Me being Alicia, I start talking to her. Ummm...she's there so how about we acknowledge her. I start swiftly walking down the street and he's walking fast trying to keep up with me. She is in heels several paces behind us trying to keep up. Say it with me guys..."That's rude."

Another time, Marla and I went to Coco Cafe. There is this black guy with a white girlfriend who felt compelled to come talk to us. So he's laughing and joking with us; telling us his life story. Once again, his girlfriend is just standing there. So, Marla and I start talking to her and include her in the conversation. We kinda felt bad for her cuz her man was cocky as all get out. Then, he looks at us kinda funny and says, "I'm really surprised you guys are talking to her, most black women don't." Well, let's think about this...if you stick her in a corner and you don't acknowledge her presence, I can understand why other people around won't acknowledge her presence. If you interact with her like there's something wrong, then that is what other people are going to do. Don't blame that mess on black women, when you are acting like she's not there.

Once again, tonight the same thing happened. A black guy with a white girl is all in our faces at karaoke. Now when he was sitting with her, she was hugging on him. However, he kept coming to our table trying to make conversation with us, while she was off in the cut. He got up to sing a song, "Joanna, I love you." And he dedicates the song to us, not to his girl. When we get up to leave, he's gives us hugs and has yet to mention or introduce the girl who's been hugging on him. (We did help her learn the Cupid Shuffle though.) But, as for his behavior...say it with me..."That's rude."

This is just an observation I'm making. When I see a black man with a black woman, I guarantee you he is not at our table striking up a conversation or doing a song and dance without that woman at his side. In fact, she's doing most of the talking. When I see a white man with a black woman, I don't see him flirting at a table full of white females. Help me to understand what's really going on. I personally think it's rude for you not to acknowledge the presence of the person you are with regardless of their race.

Opinions

A wise person once told me..."Other people's opinion of you is none of your business." I've added my own addendum to it..."God's opinion is the only one that counts."

That is something that we all have to come to grips with and until we do, we are walking in bondage. There is such a freedom that comes in not being a slave to other people's opinion. We all want to please the people we care about or love. Sometimes, we try to please people to make them love or care about us. It's pretty innate with in us to want the approval of others, but eventually we must learn that we can't rule our lives by it. It's really hit or miss, and if that's what we are going by, we will be on a roller coaster for the rest of our lives. Interesting thing about roller coasters is that they go 65 mph, up and down hills, through hoops, around twist and turns and in the end, you are back where you started from. Only now, you have a headache. That's exactly what happens when we try to live our lives pleasing other people.

This weekend I had a conversation with someone I love, someone I know loves me too. A few months back the person told me in so many words that I was a big disappointment to them. No one wants to be told that, it can be hurtful and sometimes cause bitterness or resentment. It's tempting to stay there. However, I decided to do two things.

The first thing I decided to do was take inventory. You know what I found; I'm not living a disappointing life. There are times when people speak curses in our lives, but we make the choice whether or not we receive them. Just because someone speaks it doesn't make it the truth. The infamous they has so many things to say, but that doesn't make it true. They talk about you, they talk about me, they talk about us, and they talk about them. They never stop talking; so we just have to stop listening. So let God be true and every man a liar. They may not be pleased, but what does God think? They may never forgive you, but God already has. You may not be doing that they want you to do, but are you doing what God called you to? Despite the opinions of others, a quick inventory revealed that while they found reason for disappointment, I found none. In fact, I'm pretty pleased because this branch is remaining in the Vine and is bearing much fruit.

I'd done inventory months ago, when the statement was first made, but I finally got around to doing the second thing...confrontation. Too many of us are holding on to past hurts and past offenses. Jesus told us that if we had a problem with someone to go to them and settle the score, then bring your offering. People are sick, stressed, and depressed because they won't settle the score. Carrying hurts, pains, unforgiveness, offenses, and whatever else does not make you a martyr. Telling everybody about everything that they did is probably not going to get you a book deal, or make you the screenwriter for the next major motion picture. But if you are looking for tumors, backaches, anxiety, clinical depression, heartburn, migraines, and/or a plethora of other sicknesses and diseases your anger, bitterness, and resentment over what they have done will definitely aid you.

At any rate, back to my story...confrontation. By confrontation I do not mean a shouting match or the blame game. This weekend, it was just a conversation and I brought up the whole disappointment thing. I told them that I had thought about what they had said and came to the conclusion that I wasn't living a disappointing life. Funny thing is that didn't stop them from being disappointed, but we both walked away with the understanding that their disappointment is not my burden to bear. Their opinion of me is none of my business.

Creative Juices Flowing

Okay so I wrote this as a comment on Art & Soul's blog, but decided to share...

Art & Soul Poetry Excercise 1: An Etheree
10 lines, with a syllable count going from 1 to 10 (or 10 to 1), decreasing (or increasing) each line.

Subject: Sex, Time & Water

Hmmm
Feels good
Time passing
Hope love's lasting
I envelop you
You keep holding me close
I never want to let go
So we seal "I do" with a kiss
I now forget what I thought I missed
Time wasn't wasted, love is worth the wait

Well, that is mine...so why don't you leave a comment with one that you did. This is fun, right? Participation is required.

He does all things well

Tonight I had to work pretty late and I was on my way home listening to a gospel song. I don't really remember the whole song, but somewhere within the song, it said, "He does all things well." It made me think about how often we complain about the things that go on in this life. We have people who disappoint us, situations that upset us, and circumstances that baffle us. And yet, our God does all things well. That is not really something I can say for anyone.

Think about it. You know that the hair stylist that you love has messed someone's hair up before. Your auto mechanic has side stepped on a job before. Even the best lawyer has had moments that weren't that great in court. Great surgeons have watched their patients die. That person who you respect or look up to will eventually let you down. We are all human and fail. But, we serve a God who does all things well.

The things that we screw up He can fix. The situations in life that have turned out bad, He can work out for your good. The sickness the doctors have yet to even diagnosis, He can heal. The heart that seems to constantly be broken, He will heal and bandage up the wounds.

I know that there are times that I question God because things haven't turned out the way I wanted or expected. We all have our moments were we complain when we are in a bind. Sometimes we need to be reminded that God is good, and when our lives seem a bit screwed up, it's not because God did it. He's the author and perfector of our faith. He is the one who fixes the mess not causes it. God does not have Muchausen Syndrome. He is good, and does all things well.

Courtroom Drama

Columbus, OH (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Franklin
County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over
who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by
his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in
keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family
unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy
cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder
of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was
apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented
step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University
of Michigan Wolverines, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of
beating anyone.

LOL omg you gotta be a Buckeye to get that..lol that was funny

What a weekend!

So my weekend started off with a bit of a tear fest. I was bemoaning my current lot in life because it's not really what I had planned. Dude, who scripts this stuff out because I really had no idea? So it's Friday night and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to skip out unnoticed to pastor's new sermon series on family. I don't want to hear how the husband I don't have can be better, how to raise the children I don't have, or how to be a better wife to the husband I don't have. I also did not want to hear someone married out of high school to tell me to hold on just a little while longer when they are getting some on a reg. I didn't want to hear flee youthful lust...I did that. Now, I'm grown; it has nothing to do with being youthful. Heck, I'm supposed to be making babies. I'm not praying that God does something to my hormones; I'm 26 and work properly. I'm supposed to have a sex drive. While I live a celibate life, I know it is not my calling. It is better to marry than to burn; so, can someone tell me where the hell is my husband?

Yeah, so while I'm having this moment, I'm sitting in bed and this book just pops out at me from the book shelf. I didn't know what book it was just that it was calling. So, I walk over to the bookshelf and pick up the book "Table for One: The Savvy Girl's Guide to Singleness." Okay, can you say "God has jokes."? Dude, I didn't even buy that book for me. I got it at a going out of business sale and someone said they might want it for their daughter, but didn't take it. So at any rate, I start reading the book. And it says everything that I think. Basically, being a single Christian sucks because: A. You aren't getting any (well you aint supposed to be getting any...lol) and B. If you aren't married or have children, you don't exist. Ok, so God gives me a book to confirm my life sucks, go figure. I'm sitting there thinking Jesus, this is not making me feel any better.

Chapter Two: Antidotes for the Single Girl Blues. Hmmm, this should be interesting. So this chapter talks about celebrating your singleness. Now this is one thing I do have on married women, freedom. If my bank account allows it, I can do it. I don't have to worry about anyone but Alicia. If I feel like eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, I don't have to worry about what my husband or children will eat. If I want to go out with the girls, I get dressed and go. If I feel like taking a spontaneous trip out of town, I just do it. I'm only responsible for me. That chapter made me feel a little better. However, it did say something disturbing single women are reportedly happier than married women. Heck, that doesn't sound to hopeful. And it said married men are happier than single men. Why, you ask...they get a live in maid, cook, and sex on the reg. What more can a man ask for? Yeah, it's a man's world, and I'm forced to live in it. (For those who don't know me well, or aren't used to this side of Alicia...laugh. This is pretty comical. For those of you who do know me, do not stop reading at this point and call me. i.e. "Alicia, are you okay? I read your blog." You laugh too.)

So, that was Friday night. Saturday, I go to SideWalk with my church. It was so wonderful. I mean I could just feel the presence of God. We went into this one man's home, there were people gathered, and he was laying in one of those hospital beds. We brought in a bag of grocieres, and then I asked if we could pray. I started praying, but when I finished, I could tell the Spirit wasn't through. Then Alfred says, "I don't think we are done. Can I pray, too?" He prayed and the presence of the Lord was just there. When we finished, one of the men in the house said, "I was sitting here wanting to pray, but I was waiting got the right moment then you came to the door." It was a divine appointment. Then off to Mr. Brown's house. Of course, he was waiting for us to get there. If fact, he told other people not to come cuz he knew we would be there. So we stayed at his house for a while, always jokes, always wisdom, and always moving. I love Mr. Brown.

While setting up, Pastor David sees a Muslim African woman with her children. He calls me over and says, "Alicia, I know it's not customary for a man to talk to her. Would you go over there and minister to her." So, I walk over to her and inquire where he's from...Kenya. Perfect, a good friend of our family is from Kenya. We had a big party full of Kenyans at our house. So, I talked to her about food and Mama Jane who's from Nairobi. She didn't know too much English but her oldest daughter (around 11 or 12) translated. I didn't mention Jesus, only if her children would be coming to sidewalk. The eldest girl said that her father told them not to go, because it bad and evil. Her mom then tells them in Swahili they could go. The children were happy and participated in SideWalk as their mother sat on the steps watching. And at the end of the service, those Muslim children prayed the sinner's prayer and asked Jesus into their hearts. Yes, I have my moments, but I'm bearing fruit. (Sidebar: This isn't for everyone, but for those of you who question what track I'm on, examine my fruit. That's all I'm going to say about that.)

After sidewalk, I get a quick reality check to remind me how single I am, which I thought was a bad thing. However, it ended up being the precursor for a spontaneous trip to Atlanta with my girl. Married women can't always do that...remember the book. Yeah, we didn't get to Atlanta til 2 am, but believe me it was worth it. We had soooooo much fun. We just happened to go to Atlanta when they were having a nice jazz festival that we didn't know about. We walked to the stage right when Chrisette Michelle was about to get on. Who know her music was so freakin hot? We got a pic with PJ Morton. Then, the drummer for Chrisette Michelle invited us out to their next set (reminiscent of track 1 or 2). I had such a wonderful time. I honestly didn't know how wonderful singleness could be. Dude, I had a ball. Party Like a Rock Star!!! No wonder married women miss this part of life. So, I guess God wasn't just being funny when he told me to pick up the book. At any rate, from the tear fest to the jazz fest, Labor Day weekend was hotness. We so have to do this again...SOON!!!

Mark and the car

Sometimes God blesses you with wonderful people in your life. They aren't perfect, but you enjoy their presence most of the time. They have that knack for illuminating those parts of your personality that others don't often get a chance to see. I am a very peaceful person. When I deal with people, I try to use tact and discretion. However, around some people, that just goes out the window. That is Mark and me. I don't yell too much (you know, I'm trying that whole meek and quiet spirit thing out), but I can go off on Mark for a good 30 to 45 minutes. He's a wee bit obstinate, can be a tad argumentative, and happens to bring those character traits out in me. But, he is such a good guy.

Last week, I asked Mark to help me find a new car. That was like whoa. He was on my nerves. I told him what kinda of car I wanted, what year I wanted, and what price I wanted. Now if I tell you that I want a Toyota, Honda, or a Nissan that was manufactured in this millennium, why on God's green earth would you try to get me to buy a darn '95 Caviler, or a '98 Ford Taurus with 220,000 miles on it. If you think it's pretty, buy it yourself. He's test driving a '95 Grand Prix and I'm looking at the sales lady like what the heck is he doing, cuz I'm not buying that car. Hello!?!?!? We are shopping for me, and I don't want it.

Then he's calling me at 8 at night talking about "Man, Alicia, you gotta see this car." Dude, I live in Antioch, and when I leave my job in north Nashville, ya girl is not going back to Madison to look at some car 2 yrs older than I want. "See, Alicia, these cars are going to be gone. If you see something, you gotta get it right then. That's how it works. That car is going to be gone tomorrow." Heck, if the car is gone then clearly the car wasn't for me.

You know I've had a cell phone for years, and I have never ran out of message space. Especially when your messages can only be a certain length. That brotha had so many dog on messages on my phone, I just stopped checking my voicemail cuz he was on my nerves. Dude tried to hustle me more than the car dealer, "you should get this car" or "you aint gonna get no better than that car...this is it."

Now, I know I was on his nerves. He is headstrong, but I'm probably worst. Dude, I just want what I want, and you can't fault me for that. He's trying to rush me into getting a car, and I won't be rushed. Then he'll show me a car I don't want and won't take a simple no. In fact, the only thing he responsds to is a temper tantrum. So heck, I throw a temper tantrum. He's ready to drive Miss Daisy from one car lot to the next, and all I want to do is eat lunch in peace. One day, he tells me "well fine, Alicia, I'm just gonna let you find your own car." I said "fine," hung up the phone, and continued eating my salad. Five minutes later, Mark is on the phone telling me he's going to drive the car to me so I can see it. He was on my nerves (and heaven knows I was on his), but he was determined to take care of baby girl. I can't help but smile.

Truth is Mark has his moments but he's all in all a good guy. People did give me a better prices since I had a mechanic negotiating for me. He was able to look at the cars and see what was wrong and know how much it would cost to fix. That man hustled and went to more car lots than I would have ever wanted to...all that stuff gives me a headache. Well, truth is he took the brunt of it. All I had to do is say yes, no, ummmm, and turn down 5 of his marriage proposals...lol. Naaa...dude, I love Mark. He's wonderful. And he found me a new to me car, the kind I wanted, the year I wanted, and the price I wanted. He did try to hustle me though, and claimed that I played the player. Don't believe the hype...lol. I am pleased and I have no car payments....Hallelujah!!!

Thanks Mark!!!