We Are Worthy

This morning, I woke up with a pretty downcast spirit.  As I was driving to work, those feelings began to intensify; and I was becoming overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness as though I just wasn’t good enough.  I went over my scripture confessions as usual and when they were finished, I quietly began to pray, asking God for his peace,  love, and to help me keep it together.  Then I began to think about the blood of Jesus.  So far in my praying and confessions, I hadn’t convinced myself that I had a place of significance.  In fact, my thoughts of self-loathing seemed to increase more and more.  But, as I thought about the cross of Christ, I began to recall the worthiness of the Lamb.  Worthy is the Lamb that was slain.  If for no other reason than the fact that the blood of Jesus is covering me and you, we are worthy and of great value.

Now, this morning, I know that I was being attacked by the enemy, but the same blood the openly triumphed over the devil, making an open spectacle of him on Calvary, is the same blood that can triumph over every devil that comes our way to steal our joy, peace, love, faith, and hope.  Depression does not come from God, but it is an attack of the enemy that is effectively working against the church of Christ.  Yet, God is greater.

Acts 10:15 admonishes, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”  That word impure can mean common, unholy, defiled, polluted, or profane.  Things that are considered polluted, defiled or profane are often counted as worthless.  Why do you think the devil loves to rehearse all of our faults and short comings?  How many times have we let Satan tell us about how messed up, polluted, and worthless we are?  Yet, if you have been washed in the blood you have been made clean.  Stop agreeing with Satan and start agreeing with God.  Regardless of where you have been or what you have done in the past, do not call your self worthless, unworthy, tainted, degraded, ordinary, messed up, or any other lie the enemy told you because God has made you clean.  That is what the blood of Jesus is for.  That blood makes you worthy.

Be encouraged this morning.

Apart from Me, You Can do Nothing

Let me give you a little background on this. I'm writing a book, and the past few days I've gotten up at 5 am to write, but it has just been hard. It just wasn't coming and I know that previously when I was writing, it just flowed. The Holy Spirit would just download what I was supposed to write. So, needless to say, I knew something was wrong. So this morning when I got up, the Lord gave me a nice rebuke and I wanted to share with you part of it. Apart from me, you can do nothing. I need you to know that and believe that. I need you to live intimately with the fact that apart from me you can do nothing. I want you to submit yourself to that. 

Apart from me you can do nothing. My people do not believe that and my ministers and prophets don’t believe that so they try to do the work of the ministry apart from me. They try to do my work based on their talents, based on their natural abilities. They have not sought me like I’m their daily bread. They haven’t gone after me like I’m their living water. They haven’t sought my face like their lives depended on it because they don’t believe, “apart from me, you can do nothing.”

Many ministers are burnt out in ministry, burnt out in their families, confused as to whether or not this really works because they don’t believe that apart from me they can do nothing. They are constantly trying to do my work disconnected from me. It won’t work; it can’t work.

“Yes, I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me and I in them will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing.” John 15:5 NLT

Talk About Being Kept

Tomorrow will mark the two-year anniversary of that life changing grocery run at Aldi. It was the day I met my husband. He would propose about two weeks later. In another week, I’d say yes. Four months later we would be married. And, the rest is history.

It all happened so quickly, but with much prayer and fasting. For those who have heard our testimony, it is one only God could write seasoned with all the signs and confirmations anyone could ask for and I asked for a lot. If you haven’t heard it, you should because it is a good story and we like to tell it. For us, it was clear that God brought us together.

So, let’s fast forward to this weekend. We traveled to Atlanta for General Conference and to see family and friends. It was our first trip since the birth of our son, Isaiah. On the way home, we’d made it just past Chattanooga and Isaiah started yelling his head off. Two minutes later, we catch a flat going 70 miles per hour down I-24. We stop and I feed the baby as Dennis changes the tire. Then, back in the car and another hundred miles, we are back at home.

The next morning, I’m looking for my breast pump and I figure its still in the car. I go outside and pop the trunk. As, I’m opening it, I look down and see my husband’s wedding band. I figure it fell off when he was bringing the luggage in the night before. I grab it and make my way back in the house. Once inside, I hand Dennis the ring telling him that I found it on the car. He takes it and slowly begins to pace as if pondering something. Then, he looks up and tells me, “The last time I saw my ring was last night after I changed the tire. When I was finished, I wanted to clean my hands so I took it off and placed it on the bumper in front of the license plate.”

A hundred miles later, through the twist and turns, peaks and valleys of east Tennessee’s mountainous landscape, I found his ring on the car’s bumper in the same place he left it. The more I think of the terrain of the roads we traveled to get home, the more I’m amazed. Through the dark of night, we trekked up steep inclines, around the road’s bends, and over bumps, potholes, and a railroad track. Like our marriage, the path was an assortment of geography sometimes challenging and at others it was smooth sailing. It’s constant change and continual motion. And, the ring was held steady on the bumper the entire ride. Honestly, our marriage has been under attack for a few months and a point of constant prayer. And, it seems God just sent us a good omen. Two years ago, we knew God was with us as we started on this journey, and this weekend, he left us a reminder of his power to keep us regardless of where the road may lead.

Stop It Or You'll Go to Hell

Stop it or you’ll go to hell. This seems to be a pervasive stance that many Christians take in responding to the gay, lesbian and transgendered community. It is such a touchy topic that often is only addressed with big signs and loud shouts of “repent” at gay rallies or behind closed doors or as we whisper between ourselves. Sometimes we act as though it doesn’t exist and we don’t have to address it. In some Christian circles, gay bashing is still acceptable and homophobia is a way of life only challenged by “the moral decay” of our society instead of the redemptive love they claim to believe in. Yet, more and more, some churches are coming up with a better response to this community while others just wade their way through the murky waters.

Sadly, the gay community thinks that Christians hate them. It is understandable given that the most vocal Christian response to homosexuals has been as political opponents rather than spiritual outreach to this largely unchurched community. I think the idea that Christians hate the LGT community should break the heart of every believer especially because we are to be known by our love. A friend of mine befriended a gay guy at her job. She was seeking God about their friendship and the Holy Spirit responded, “I only want you to love him. He believes that Christians hate him. Since they hate him, he thinks I hate him.” Much worst than the thought of Christian hate, this community largely thinks the God, defined by his unyielding, unfailing, unending, unconditional love, hates them. That’s the heart breaker.

I was talking with a Christian young lady struggling with lesbianism. She confessed with her mouth the Lord Jesus and believes that God has raised him from the dead; yet, did not have an assurance of salvation. So I asked her if she believed that the blood of Jesus could cover even that. “I used to. But, so many people just tell me I’m gonna go to hell.” She used to really pray, but now her only whisper is “God save me.”

Stop it!

This young lady wasn’t sure of her salvation because she still struggles with her sexuality. She still sins. Unfortunately, someone along the way told her “stop it, or you’ll go to hell.” I wonder how that “stop it” theology is working for them. You know, I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my life. Sugar is a problem for me. I’ve eaten a whole pie on more than one occasion, and have devoured plates of desserts at a fellowship dinners. Last I heard, that was a sin called gluttony. Now, have I gotten better? Yeah. Are there some things I just don’t bring home? You betcha. But, do I ever slip up? Absolutely! The bible lists gluttony among the seven deadly sins. Philippians 3 talks about those whose god is their belly and their end is destruction. Paul reminds us that whatever we eat or drink; we should do it all to the glory of God. God doesn’t get much glory when I overeat. But, I’ve yet to hear a pastor preach all fat people are going to hell.

“Stop it” theology doesn’t work. If we could just stop it, why do we need Jesus? The law told us that we were wrong but it lacked power to deliver us from the sin. Jesus didn’t die for behavior modification. Let’s say that again because it is important: Jesus didn’t die for behavior modification. Jesus died to restore the relationship between God and man. God woos us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” He draws us with bands of love. It is the goodness of God that draws us to repentance. I can come boldly before the throne not because I modified my behavior, but because Jesus loves me and has covered me with his righteousness. I’m not condemned because I’m in Christ Jesus. I’ve been justified, or declared righteous, in the midst of my sins. Now, I’m being sanctified, which is the process of becoming righteous, and that is going to take the rest of my life. I’ll stop sinning completely when I’m glorified, and that happens when I get to heaven. Stop it or you’ll go to hell is not the salvation message.

The church is the body of Christ and our actions must line up with his heart when we are dealing with anyone but more specifically gays and lesbians. God promises, “I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him.” God promised to heal and to love so we must follow after the Father’s heart. When people come into communion with Christ, they change just by looking upon him. Sometimes in our zeal for righteousness we lose our zeal for his heart and his love. I dare say that there are some gays and lesbians who are saved. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and has not appeared as yet what we shall be. We know that when he appears we will be like him, because we will see him just as he is. It’s in seeing Jesus, that we start looking like him. So let’s make sure we aren’t preventing anyone from seeing him, regardless of what their struggle or sins may be.

So let’s apply the real salvation method to those struggling with homosexuality. They hear the word, repent (they turn towards God), and receive Jesus as their Savior and Lord. As a savior, Jesus saves them in the midst of their sin, covers them with his blood, and the Father declares that homosexual righteous because the blood of Jesus covers him. As Lord, Jesus and that person enter into communion and Jesus leads the way. Sometimes that newly saved person will fall, slip up and screw up. When that happens, it’s easy for him to believe the lie that he isn’t walking with God, or isn’t saved, or he’s going to hell. But, that is a lie. The Word says, “But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world.” Now as Lord, Jesus calls the shots and tells us the right way to go, but if we slip up, he is our advocate and reminds the Father that he already paid the penalty for what happened last night. Then Jesus picks him back up, dusts him off, and they begin the journey again.

God: Keep your money! I want heart

This week has been quite interesting. I found myself in conflict with a person who has been a great friend and confidant for years. I was really grieved at how our friendship seemed to be eroding. It takes two to start a friendship, and both parties play a role in any dissolution. Lately, I’ve been coming to grips with the fact that every person seems right in their own eyes. I’m justified in my feeling and she’s justified in hers. That’s just the way it goes.

I thought about it all night, and in the morning as I was tidying up, a verse came to mind. “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). I think the interesting thing about this verse is that it doesn’t say anything about how I am feeling. It’s not talking about whether or not I have ill feelings towards someone, but rather, ill feelings towards me.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I stay in church. But, what if, God would rather that I stay home until I had settled things with my sister. We can get really religious in the fact that we are a “tither and a giver.” But, what happens if our tithe and offering is not acceptable to God when we are in conflict with one another? I think it is possible that we can tithe faithfully, but still be robbing God if we aren’t walking in love toward his children. What if we are “planting seed” and God doesn’t want it because we haven’t cultivated our love.

Needless to say, I was trying to work this issue out before midweek service. I’m grateful that God knows how to restore relationships because he did work it out for us. We were able to settle the matter amicably. I just can’t help but to wonder what church would look like if we heeded the voice of scripture. I’m sure some pastors would fear that both church and the offering plate would be empty. But, I doubt it. I think. The church would look a whole lot more like Christ. People would really know that we are Christians by our love.

The Inspiration of Miseducation

Dennis and I were in Target one day going through the music section. As we were flipping though the cd’s, I found The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. That album dropped in like 98-99, my senior year of high school. She made hip-hop history by winning 5 Grammy’s. When that cd came out, I listened to it constantly and loved it. Of course, some way, some how, it got borrowed (umm…stolen) when I went to college. Now, I knew that cd was fire. But, fast forward 10 years, and I realize that Lauryn is a prophet cuz she was singing my diary before I got a chance to write it.

Track 3—Ex-Factor: I keep letting you back in. How can I explain myself? As crazy as this thing has been, I just can’t be with no one else. See, I know what we’ve got to do. You let go and I’ll let go too ‘cause no one’s hurt me more than you. And, no one ever will…

I know ya’ll remember that, and I’m not talking about the song. Heaven only knows how many times I went around that mountain with that boy. Forget about letting him back in, I never let him leave. It’s true; I didn’t think that I could be with anyone else or that there would ever be anyone else. I think sometimes we like to put the blessing before the Blesser, turning that blessing into a curse. For me, there was a long time that I thought that the only way I would be blessed is if it came one way. Please believe that God is so much bigger than that.

Track 8—When It Hurts So Bad: I loved real, real hard once, but the love wasn’t returned. Found out the man I’d die for, he wasn’t even concerned. I tried, and I tried, and I tried to keep him in my life. I cried, and I cried, and I cried, but I couldn’t make it right.

I lived here so long it was ridiculous. But, the truth is there are very few of us who don’t come here and pitch a tent. Anything that could have been a blessing was turning into a curse. This was a time that made me question a lot, but mainly me. When you do everything you can to keep someone, and everything you know to make them happy all to no avail, you can’t help but thinking that you are the problem. Sometimes we make the mistake of wrapping up all our self-worth into someone else. It’s one of the biggest mistakes we can make. It’s idolatry against our selves and against our God. See, I thought this feeling it was all that I had. But, how could this be love that makes me feel so bad? It’s not.

Track 9—I Used to Love Him: Father you saved me and showed me that life was much more than being some foolish man's wife; showed me that love was respect and devotion, greater than planets deeper than oceans. My soul was weary but now it's replenished, content because that part of my life is finished.

When I got to this point, it was like a weight was lifted off of me. I was so happy. I’d loved him, lost him, and forgave him. Then, I was able to start loving me, and I gave my affections back to my God. You know, I wasn’t just angry with some guy. I was angry with God; deep down, I thought it was his fault, and He was the reason I wasn’t happy. Then I encountered His love. You are never the same after you’ve experienced the love of God. His love is constant regardless of you. He doesn’t love based on how good I am, but based on how good He is. I traded my sorrow for the joy of the Lord. And everyone I met could tell. I finally let go, not just of some guy, but all the baggage I collected in process of trying to hold on to him.

Track 15—Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You: You're just too good to be true; can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At last long love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true; can't take my eyes off you.

I’s married now! My husband is everything that I prayed for and more. God literally answered every prayer concerning my husband, and there were a lot of times that I didn’t even think He was listening. God doesn’t just hear us, but He answers. Honestly, I had a long list. The list I prayed was pretty short, but the one in my heart just got longer with time. Over the past 10 years, there were a lot of times I just said “my husband is going to do this” or “I want my husband to do that.” I actually don’t remember everything that I said, but every so often Dennis does something and God reminds me that its what I asked for. Case in point, when I was growing up in Ohio, I used to play chess daily, but once I moved south, I only found someone to play with sporadically (like once every few years sporadically). I kept my chess set on display in my living room and sometimes I would glance at it and say, “I want my husband to play chess.” We never played while we were dating, but one day, Dennis grabs the chess board. Our first game was a stalemate. God had given me a worthy opponent. We don’t eat the same foods (except for sweets), don’t like the same music, and didn’t keep the same company. We’re from two different worlds, but love the same great game.

Track 16—Tell Him: Now I may have faith to make mountains fall, but if I lack love then I am nothin' at all. I can give away everything I possess, but left without love then I have no happiness. I know I'm imperfect and not without sin, but now that I'm older all childish things end. And tell him...

It’s definitely been a journey. I’m at the end of me, and we have only just begun. The two have become one and such a union can only be sustained by love. Everyday, we are perfecting that love walk. We can only give what we’ve first received. Only after I received that love from my Daddy (God), was I able to extend it. It’s funny, when I get upset with Dennis, I listen to this song. When I’m just happy and basking in his love, I listen to this song. This song speaks of that good loving, that bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all. That kind of loving is good on a bad day.

Better Than Expected

So if you don’t know by now, I’m getting married. Funny thing is that it didn’t happen the way I always expected. I’m not marrying the one I waited years for (can I get a hallelujah on that one!!! Oh Bless the Lord). No, the truth is God gave me so much better. I literally thank the Lord every day for the wonderful man that He has brought into my life. He is honestly more than I ever expected. When I met him, I thought maybe what I prayed for was possible. Now, I realized that my prayers have been answered. He is just that kind of man.

When I take the time to look back over the past relationships and heartbreaks, I don’t regret a single moment of it because the journey still led me here. There were those moments that I thought that I would never get a good man. My father once told me, “The love of the husband should awaken the love of the wife.” In other words, my love would be kindled in response to the love I received from my husband. If you have ever been in a toxic relationship where you were doing all the loving and hoping that one day it would be good enough, you can understand why I never thought that I would experience that type of love. I guess that is why I’m just so grateful to God that my prayers were answered.

I think I spent a lot of time in my life hoping that God was as good as they say He is. Now, don’t get me wrong. Most of you know that I am the first to tell you that God is good. I have known the goodness of God in his provision, his comfort, and his care. I’d seen God work so mightily in my life and I trusted him in every area, save one…matters of the heart. In this particular area, I hoped that God was as faithful as he was in the other areas of my life.

In January of this year, I prayed a really hard prayer. In fact, I felt so bad for saying it. I remembered the faithfulness of God and how he had delivered me, healed my brokenness, and provided for every one of my needs. I told God how I trusted him. He’d proved himself time and time again. “This I recall to mind therefore I have hope. It’s because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed. For, his compassions fail not and his mercies are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.” Then I said the unthinkable, “Lord, I trust you in every area of my life save one…my heart. I trust you with everything but in this thing I don’t trust you because you have not proven yourself faithful.” Then I wept. It broke my heart to say such a thing to my Lord. Tears cloud my vision even now as I write about it. Maybe, I wept because he wept. Maybe, it broke my heart to say it because it had broken his heart to knowing that is the way I felt for years.

How a faithful God listens to his baby girl tell him that he hasn’t proven himself faithful is beyond me. After I said it, I cried myself to sleep, but God was there. He hovered over me that night and ministered to me as I slept. I don’t know what he did or even what all he said, but I woke up changed. I remember the Holy Spirit just loved on me all night long; he loved past my hurt and past my pain. His presence was so sweet even though my prayer wasn’t. The following morning, I uttered the day’s first words, “Lord, I trust you. I even trust you with my heart.”

I look back now and realize it was just a few short months ago. The darkest hour is just before dawn. God knew the blessing that he had in store for me even when it wasn’t anywhere I could see. I’m just so glad I decided to trust him. It’s been well worth the wait, and God truly is faithful.

Letting Go

I never imagined it would feel quite this way
Even though for years I dreamed of this day
Truth is I never thought it would come
But, now that it has I find myself surprised
About the feelings I hold inside
I don't regret the years or a single tear
I'm grateful for all they joys and pain
While I never thought I'd say this
I'm actually thankful for all I gained
We usually are ready to let go
When the pain of hanging on overwhelms us
When we find ourselves finally fed up
But the truth is I wasn't in any pain
I'd already healed and forgiven
The angry river had long dried up
There was no hae or bitterness in the equation
Only the realization that it was time
I never stopped loving or even started regretting
Everything that we'd been through
I guess I just realized my hart had moved on
Even though I thought never would
I let go not because I was tired or angry
But, because there was someone else I wanted to hold
I knew I couldn't enjoy the something new
Without letting go of the old.
I pray God blesses and keeps you
And your dreams they come to pass
Maybe one day love will come again
And I pray that it will last
Thank you for every moment the good and the bad
The tears of joy and sobs of pain
You taught me how to love unconditionally
Even when I believed in love's impossibility
I didn't always enjoy the journey
But the outcome was well worth it.
You can't enjoy the pearl while despising the process
Or, love diamonds hating the pressure it took to create it
You can admire the colorful wings of a butterfly
But, they developed in the dark of a cocoon
I guess the process is about over
And, we've come to our journey's end.
I'll think of you with a grateful heart
And send my love before you
My prayers for you remain in heaven
Ever before God's throne
Heaven alone knows should our paths ever cross
But for now I'm letting go

Not an Inconvenience

I met this guy at the grocery store. He followed me around like a little puppy dog. It was flattering and he was kinda cute and a little sexy so I smiled and flirted a bit. That is the kinda thin that ladies do. He even earned my number…lol. Though I considered it, I didn’t give him that whole “let me take yours” line.

I must say that after our first conversation, I was a little impressed. However, I was still working on keeping him at bay. I have this knack for running men away. It actually has been a goal of mine. So, on the way to seeing him a second time, I’m mentally preparing myself to not like him. I don’t even remember what he looks like; he’s probably isn’t that cute. Then, I pulled up and see him. Dang it, he’s fine…help me Holy Ghost! I can’t help the fact that I have a thing for hard working gentlemen with a dash of thug. (THANK YA!)

He invited me to dinner Saturday afternoon. We talked and enjoyed the company. It was really cute that he cooked for this vegetarian seeing that when I met him, the contents of his grocery basket was 3 package of meat lasagna, turkey bacon, and a box of Lucky charms. There wasn’t a single fruit or vegetable…lol. It starts to get late, it’s raining, and I’m sleepy so I tell him I need to go. My gas tank was on empty so I ask him where I can find the closest station. He looked out the window at the dark rainy mist, “You want me to trail you to the gas station so I can pump the gas for you. I don’t want you out in this mess.”

I must say that he stunned me with that one. I’ve always wanted a man who actually showed me that type of chivalry, but when it came, I was a little dumbfounded. There are women who have known this type of treatment their entire lives, but that just isn’t my testimony. Sure, I like to be spoiled so I make sure I spoil myself, but it’s so much better when someone is doing it for you. In my puzzlement, I questioned, “Umm, it’s raining and late. Isn’t it a bit of an inconvenient to do that for me?”

He raised his voice slightly and it grew firm, “See, you need to get that out of your head. Making you happy is not an inconvenience to me.”

That was the curve ball for me. I was doing a decent job at keeping him an arm’s length from my heart, but for some reason, that just caused a wall to fall. He didn’t mind making me happy; in fact, he actually wanted to make me happy.

The following morning, I was a guest on an early morning radio program. We were talking about God’s love and how important it is to know his hear. I shared scriptures, admonished in my “preacher” voice, and dialoged with the host. Midway through the program, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to share the gas station story from the night before. I knew this guy was listening and I had done a pretty good job of keeping my feelings veiled; so, I tried to ignore the spirit. Notice, I said, “I tried.” The Spirit was relentless not for this guy’s sake, but for the sake of God’s own character. I’d experienced a living parable the previous night that illustrated the love of God. I know there are those prayers I didn’t want to pray because I didn’t want to bother God. Yet, he bids us seek, ask, and knock because he delights in us. Loving you is not an inconvenience to God.

This brought me so much joy today

Okay, this is absolutely hilarious. I thought I should share.

Healthy Balance

I grew up Seventh-day Adventist. A unique part of Adventist doctrine is the emphasis on health. We follow the Levitical laws concerning clean and unclean meats, while actually promoting a vegetarian diet. In fact, most American Adventist churches you visit won’t even serve meat. Adventists were among the first in America to come up with veggie food. While veggie burgers have become mainstream in the past few years, I’ve been eating it my entire life. And, Adventists live about 8 years longer than the average American.

We grew up with a knowledge of scripture concerning health. Your body is not your own but the temple of the Holy Spirit so honor God with your body. In whatsoever you eat or drink, do all to the glory of God. I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers. All these scripture were preached from the pulpit. We had a health and temperance department in the church, attended health fairs, and cooking classes. Sometimes to a fault, health teachings could almost seem legalist.

Over the past few years, I’ve been more influenced by the Charismatic tradition. In this tradition, the most you hear about health is “God can heal you.” Lay hands on the sick and they will recover. The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up and if he has sinned he will be forgiven. By Jesus’ stripes, you are healed. And, it is all true; healing is the children’s bread.

For a season, there was some reconciliation that I needed to do between the two traditions. I remember being in an Adventist church service and the pastor talked as though health and healing only came through your adherence to the health message. I left the service up in arms. What about faith and the supernatural? We have the same power and authority as Jesus, God is the one who heals all of our diseases! Then I watched those that preach healing, speak healing, and refuse to live or eat healing.

I remember being in the hospital room of a church member, a man of God. He’d had two heart attacks, and was in the hospital down the street from my job. I went to see him everyday. One day he stared off and said, “I remember God used to tell me, ‘You gotta take better care of your body. You need to start eating right and exercising.’ I just never did it.” He had one more heart attack before he eventually passed. Maybe a year later, God was talking to me about his goodness and how he doesn’t do bad things. He brought back to my remembrance that conversation in that hospital room. God began to minister to me that the heart attacks were not his plan and he didn’t do it; but, rather, God told him how to prevent them. It wasn’t a critique on this man’s spirituality, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But, rather, God was revealing his goodness and the balance.

I will forever believe in the healing power of God; in the same way, I’ll always believe in the blessing of obedience. The two are not at odds with each other. God’s laws are not arbitrary neither is his counsel. As Christians, we are not under the law, but rather grace. In his grace and goodness, God gave us counsel on how to do better. So, why not do it? The supernatural can and does supersede the natural. God’s grace makes up for what we lack; it makes up for our disobedience. But, grace is not an excuse for disobedience or a reason to remain in ignorance. God does not use his power override our laziness. God does require of us to do better. God has rule in every part of our life. He’s not just worried about whether or not you are doing the “big” sins; he’s working in us to make us better…mind, body, and spirit.

For all pastor's wives...Maybe he'll think before he speaks

This is absolutely hilarious. My dad is a pastor, along with my sister, her husband, and my uncle. And, go figure...I work in ministry too. This is too funny.

Ok...Here's the entire speech

I wanted to give everyone an opportunity to listen to the entire speech Obama made concerning faith and politics. While Dr. Dobson has really come against Obama like he's not a Christian, I think the entire speech will give you an opportunity to make your own judgements.

I did like the shirt...and Let It Go!

In the process of transferring 2 years worth of blogs, I was afforded the opportunity to look over my state of mind and emotions during this time. As I survey the changes, there is one thing I feel more that anything else…GRATEFUL. My heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness because I’m not there anymore.

As I strolled down memory lane, I remembered how I felt. I recalled the nights of salty rainstorms pounding my cheeks and the set of luggage that had settled under my eyes by morning. The pain, loneliness, anger, and bitterness flashed through my mind’s eye like an old time picture show. It was kinda like watching a movie. I could see the pain, understand why it was there, and sympathize with that disappointed baby girl; yet, I couldn’t feel it any more. Even as I recalled what brought me to that place, I realized the situations that sent me on an emotional roller coaster no longer captivated my attention; much less my emotions and thoughts.

I actually let it go. I had written poems talking about how I should let it go. Then, there were the blogs about why I was going to let it go. I even bought a shirt that said “Let It Go” with a scripture on the back. But, when depression, my temper tantrums, and crying spells hit, I knew the thing that I longed to do still eluded me. I remember that. I remember thinking I finally got it; that river of anger is gone. Then, the storms of life happened and that river overflowed its banks once again.

I guess that is why I’m so happy and grateful. I’m no longer carrying those deadly emotions so I’m really walking in abundant life. I can finally love, and I really love to love. I tried loving before, but was so sure that it was the source of my pain. I loved God and I loved other people, but I had forgotten to love someone very important…myself. Now, I love me, and that makes it so much easier to love other people. I’m happy. I dance and sing all day. The joy of the Lord is my strength, and I’m strong in the Lord and the power of His might.

During the exodus, God told the children of Israel to gather stones of remembrance. He wanted them to remember where they had come from and how far he had brought them. The feast of booths was dedicated to remembering. Sometimes, we have to take time to look back and remember. So, make sure you are gathering stones along the way. Remember the victorious battles; they will give you strength to win the war.

I must really really love Angela a whole lot!!!

I have spent the last few hours transferring 2 years worth of blogs to a new location. Why would I do that? No other reason, but Angela.



A couple of weeks ago, Angela tells me that I need to post my blogs in a new location (she did give me a list of suggested sites), because she no longer wanted to log onto myspace to read them. In fact, she doesn't even know if she wants to be on these social networking internet sites anymore...lol.

So, I, being the great and wonderful friend that I am, transferred all of my blogs to a new site http://preachagyrl.blogspot.com/. I guess I'll be posting all my new blogs there too. So please visit my new site http://preachagyrl.blogspot.com/. And, thank Angela.

The moral of the story is...

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matt 7:7

If we as people are fickle and moody, yet we know how to be good to our friends, how much more do you expect God to do for you.

Ok...so check out my new blog... http://preachagyrl.blogspot.com/

Actually, if you are reading this you are checking out my new blog...so thanks for stopping by!!!

Compelled to share

As some of you may or may not know, Monday was my birthday. I think that it is important to take time during this season to really seek God and his heart. I like to know the direction or promise for the coming year.

This past Friday, I went to a prayer retreat which was just awesome and anointed. The woman of God, Pastor Denise Ray, did a lot of teaching on consecration. I had really been feeling that in my spirit, and this really helped solidify what God was already speaking. During the retreat, we did a lot of soul searching in looking at things that are in our lives that displease the Lord. Now, while we did that over the weekend, when I got home, I was still seeking God in my personal time about the things in my life that may displease him. By Tuesday, God really began to deal with me on a particular subject...gossip. I am compelled to share.

I've never considered myself a person who gossips much. I don't try to look for drama or to pry in people's business. However, there are those times when news just comes and finds you. We passively participate in the gossip by listening to it, even if we never repeat it. Then, there are those moments when drama hits our life, or family. You know how it is when we fall out with one of friends, co-workers, family member, or even an ex. We end up calling all our other friends, the closest ones and tell them what all went down. It's the subject of conversation for the next week. "Girl, have you talked to so and so..." I've found myself disguising gossip in a prayer request, "Pray for my family because yesterday..." You notice how you will go on about that prayer request for 15 minutes, give all the details, and answer all the questions during the interrogation from your girls. Yet, we get off the phone without ever bowing our heads.

The truth is that it is all gossip. By the time we are finished telling it, the little drama we were dealing with when from a 5 minute skit to a 90 minute feature film. We spend 20 minutes telling the prayer request and not even half that time interceding. Sometimes we find this same thing as one church will bash another; or, one ministry attacks another. Some people have built entire ministries based on tearing others down, and proving that someone is preaching heresy (and this helps win people to Christ how? Oh, it doesn't. It takes the gospel...good news...for that.) This absolutely hurts the heart of God.

When we gossip and talk bad about people, our tongues come into agreement with the devil. Revelation 12:10 refers to Satan as "the accuser of our brothers" and he "accuses them before our God day and night." Basically, Satan goes before God and tells him how horrible we are. Every mistake, misspoken word, and every fallout that we have Satan is taking that before God. His purpose is to convince God, that we, as God's people, aren't fit and don't deserve heaven. When we put our mouths on people, we sit in the place of Satan and act as the accuser of our brothers. Our mouths are used for Satan's glory and not God's.

It absolutely hurts my heart to know that I've come in agreement with the devil to put my mouth on someone. Gossip is directly contrary to the heart of God. I'm literally writing this blog with tears because this hurts Daddy's heart. I've hurt my father's heart. We are our brother's keeper, yet, we kill him with our tongue.

"It is foolish to belittle one's neighbor;
a sensible person keeps quiet.

"A gossip goes around telling secrets,
but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence."

Proverbs 11:12-13

When we screw up, like we all do, come to our God, and repent, he removes our sins. As far as the east is from the west, God removes our sins from us. He does not expose our nakedness; he does not expose our shame. Daddy covers me so the world does not see how messed up I really am. Daddy does not show your mess to the world, but rather he says, "I will heal your backsliding." God would rather heal you before he shows the world your sin. Love covers a multitude of sin. Daddy covers us with his righteousness cuz he knows ours is as filthy rags. God is love. Love keeps no record of wrong, it doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, and always perseveres.

That is Daddy's heart and gossip is directly contrary to it. If you don't know Christ, I'm really not talking to you. However, if you name yourself among the saints, KEEP YOUR MOUTH OFF OF PEOPLE. Stop talking about your girl who did you wrong, your ex, your crazy mom, and your deadbeat dad. Quit talking about these pastors and ministries, and stop looking for the next leader to fall. If something is wrong with the church, realize that you are the church so look in the mirror first. Then intercede. Pray church pray! Spend the time you want to be complaining, interceding.

I don't like to hurt God so my heart is really broken in this matter. This is a hard word and pretty uncomfortable, but it is so true. Him who has an ear, let him hear.

You know when you try to put this into practice you might upset a few people when you tell them you don't want to hear it or that you aren't going to tell it. They will get over themselves. I'd rather be rejected by men, than be rejected by God. *Sigh* That was draining.

Blessings...

To be loved

My favorite disciple has always been John. He referred to himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loved." It wasn't that he was being arrogant or bragging because Jesus loved him and not the other disciples. In fact, Jesus loved John the same as he loved the rest of them. John just knew how much he was loved. He was so excited about being loved by Jesus, that it became is identification. Truth is when you know that you are loved it truly changes your identity.

Over the past year, God has given me an identity change. Since I was a child I feared that I wouldn't be loved; that fear of rejection plagued me. It's probably why I, like many others, would apologize for who I am. It made me want to deepen my voice so others wouldn't hear that high pitched squeal. It's what caused me to hold back my excitement to avoid acting like some giddy blonde. I could try to look hard, but truth is I'm really all smiles. I have my hood moments, but when I answer the phone and sound like "a white girl," it's a dead giveaway that I was raised in the burbs. It's who I am.

Let's be real; while people may try to be someone else, who they really are will eventually shine through. I can deepen my voice but if you are around me long enough, you are going to hear me sound like Alvin and the chipmunks. Those blonde moments are real, hence, the highlights (lol). And for the record, all white people do not talk proper. But, more importantly, it's me without apologies.

You ever been apologizing for yourself, and someone says, "Oh, I love that about you!" All of a sudden, you're not sorry anymore, and it's ok to be you. There is such a great freedom in being loved, because you don't have to strive anymore. You can rest and literally bathe in being loved; you're not trying to fix yourself so you'll get love, when you already have it. You just soak in it.

(I've been told not to tell people this story, but it's too awesome not to share.)

One day, I was on my way to work and just talking to God in the car. We were talking about how He made everyone so unique and He actually meant to do that. Then, God tells me the sweetest thing ever. It absolutely made my day. God tells me that He loves my hair. When it clicks that he loves my hair. I gasp, my voice goes an octave higher, and in blonde teenage hysteria, I yell, "Jesus you love my hair!" Then the thought settles, I sigh, my eyes water, and I softly whisper, "You love my hair."

It was one of those holy moments in time, when God tells you something that is so intimate that it not only changes what you think about yourself but changes what you think about Him. I was excited, then humbled that God would even have an opinion on my hair. But, then again, he created my hair, made that wild curly texture, and even has each hair numbered. My eyes still water at the thought that he loves me that much.

("How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered. Ps 139:17)

It's not just that he loves me. God knows how he created each of us. He made the extrovert outgoing on purpose, and that wall flower is just as beautiful to him too. He loves those artsy flower children like me and those boring analytical people too (j/k about the boring part). He made us so differently, yet all for his glory. Whether a person is a deep and reflective introvert or spacey extrovert, God loves our uniqueness. He's not trying to change our personality, but rather he perfects our character as to bring out the best in us.

When you recognize and celebrate how much God loves you, it's so much easier to celebrate other people. You know, I think I'm beautiful. I really believe that beauty radiates from me. That's not an arrogant statement or one that I should apologize for. It's a celebratory statement. I love me, and I haven't always. But, it makes it so easy to love other people. I see my beauty and celebrate it, so when I see other beautiful women, I can celebrate them too. I don't think people realize it but there's no competition in love, but rather rest and freedom. I've found so my peace and joy…I've found my identity in being the babygyrl whom Jesus loves.

Even in the little things

Okay, so I live in Nashville, TN and this winter has been ridiculously cold. Now, I know that I was born in Cleveland, OH. It is cold there, and you have lake effect snow. But, you expect it to be cold in Cleveland. Tennessee winters are supposed to be mild. I've been in the south for 10 years now, and that is what I have been accustomed to…mild winters. Now, my girls and I usually go out on Thursday nights. Do you know this past Thursday it was 12 degrees outside? It was soooooo cold. I mean it was 20 degrees in New York…so please tell me how it got to be 8 degrees colder in Nashville.

Now I wasn't digging 12 degrees so on the way to the car I started talking to Jesus. I said, "Jesus, it is too cold. I live in Nashville. It's supposed to be warmer than this. I need it to be 60 degrees tomorrow, Jesus." Then I thought about it a bit and continued, "Ok, Jesus I need it to be 60 degrees next week."

That's when Marla tried to interrupt my prayer, "Girl, shut up! It is not going to be 60 degrees. If it was, you would get sick!"

We went back and forth a bit, but I concluded with, "I can talk to Jesus if I want to and if I want it to be 60 degrees, I'm going to ask him to make it 60 degrees. And, I'm not going to get sick! Jesus, I'm serious, please make it 60 degrees next week!"

Okay, so when I checked the forecast this morning it said a high of 61 degrees.

My point is: He's concerned about the things that concern us. He answers the small arbitrary prayers just because He loves us. If the little things matter, please believe the big things matter.

Thanks Daddy!!!

2007 Reflection...It's been a good year

This afternoon, I received a text that said, "Remember: It's complete in 07 so let's get ready for new beginnings in 08." That really got me to thinking about the past year and the things that God has accomplished in it. All in all, it's been a good year and God has truly completed a work. So, here's the break down (Note: Don't e-mail or call me asking questions about details concerning things mentioned in this blog. I included the details I wanted you to know. I love you guys and thanks for loving me too.):

The beginning of February, I had a Friday off from work and I was clearly having a moment. I'm snot-nosed before the throne talking to Daddy. I'd been having these crying spells for a few weeks now and was sick of using my hormones as my excuse…go figure ladies. So, I'm reading the bible and came across a passage that I'd read hundreds of times before, but it stuck me in a new way.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: 'For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.' Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8:35-39

After reading this passage, I realized that Paul knew something that I didn't. He was persuaded about God's love, and I wasn't. Not only did I doubt its depth, but sometimes I doubted its very existence. So, I asked the Lord to allow me to be persuaded.

After that warm and fuzzy prayer asking God to allow me to be persuaded about His love, you would expect warm and fuzzy experiences. Of course, that is not what I got. It's not to say that God didn't give me blessings and answer my prayers in noticeable ways, but the trials ahead would cause me to question the very nature of God. I remember lamenting the very existence of love. It seemed to me a curse rather than a blessing, and I wanted no part of it. It really was a crossroad because the very nature of God is love and it seemed to be a nature that I abhorred.

Life happened, events followed, and to say the least, I was devastated. I was angry at God, a few people, and of course, myself. I didn't want to be close to God anymore. I just wanted to be close enough as not to upset him, but far enough for him not to hurt me because I blamed him for everything that happened. We didn't talk much for a while. I told Him that I wouldn't do the blatant sins that are clearly against his word, but as for the other stuff, I wasn't doing anything extra. So, I came from underneath my vow.

Meanwhile, depression was kicking my butt and I literally couldn't get through a day at work without a few crying breaks. I revived an old addiction to help numb pain. It eased my mind for a moment, but I knew it wasn't a healthy way to deal with my emotions. Soon, I made a decision not to be a pissed off, bitter, 40 years old woman. Because at 25, I knew that if I held on to the hurt and pain, in fifteen years, that's what I'd be. As Donna Partow says, "One of the crowning acts of Satan is a bitter old woman. Hate and resentment are eating her up not because of her sin, but her sinful response to someone else's sin." That being said, I took my butt to counseling because I wasn't trying to be pissed off the rest of my life.

I must pause here a moment to say something of God's mercy and his goodness. In this time, I couldn't really pray, but God had so many people praying for me. People would walk up to me and say, "God woke me up a 4:30 this morning to pray for you. I don't know what you are going through, but He's gonna bring you out." Others would stop me to let me know they were praying. I'd tell God that I didn't feel like talking to him, and He would give me a dream to let me know that someone was praying for me. Months later, I found out people who I hadn't even talked to for a long time were praying me through. The Bible talks about bearing one another's burdens. God knows what we can bear, and what we need help with. He always sends help. Whether you know or not, whether you can feel it or not, God is working things out for your good. Situations get bad, but God is always good.

Right before my 26th birthday, the light broke through. It didn't just break in the one particular situation, but stuff I was dealing with for years broke. A flood of compassion filled my heart for the people that I had been so angry with. God's grace overflowed my heart and I couldn't help but extend it to those who had wronged me. While I knew forgiveness was the better option for years, it now became the only option. I let go of the pain I'd been carrying, and picked up the lighter load…forgiveness.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Soon, I could understand love in new way because God's allowed me to find his love through redemption. There was this list of things that had happened to me in my life that the enemy would rehearse in my mind as evidence that God didn't love me. While people are tempted to think that suffering is evidence that God doesn't love them, suffering is usually used to demonstrate the depths of God's heart. The greatest example of God's love is demonstrated through redemption, and there is no redemption without suffering.

I've experienced things this year that have literally tried to shake the very foundation of my faith. This year, I'd questioned the very nature of God, and at time, I thought that I'd found it wanting. I accused God of being the source of my pain. I wept as I pondered giving up on God, feeling that serving him was fruitless. In fact, I began to wonder if that's what He ultimately wanted me to do, after faithfully running the race so long to give up and not receive the promise. I listened as Satan told me that God wanted me to fail.

Now, as I look over the past year, I can say with certainty, "God is good." I can understand why the congregation of Israel just chanted "His mercy endures forever!" I am now convinced that my good God does not do bad things. He does work in the midst them because in his mercy, he does not waste a single moment or a single event. He does not waste our pain or our hurts, but rather He redeems the time. We can "count it all joy when we face various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

In a few hours, this year will be over. I had one request of the Lord for this year, and I prayed it one Friday afternoon in early February. I was envious of Paul because he was persuaded, regardless of what happened in this life or the life to come, there was nothing that could separate him from the love of God. And I begged God that day to let me be persuaded. God answered. It wasn't the way I wanted him to answer and I would have rather to be spared some tears. Yet, He answered and I am persuaded about his heart and persuaded about his love for me. Come hell or high water, broken heart or broken dream, in plenty or in lack, I am persuaded that there is nothing that can separate can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:14-19 NLT

Happy New Year,

Alicia

Avocado Story...there is a point.

Now some of you will think I'm crazy for telling this story, but just follow me. Those of you who read my blogs on the reg, already know the business.

A few weeks ago, I went to the grocery store and bought an avocado. It was green and I was hoping that it would be green for a while because I wasn't going to eat it right off. That thing was ripe in two days. It was nice and soft. Well, I didn't want it when it got ripe so I put it in the refrigerator. A few days went by, and I would just look at that avocado in the fridge. Then, I'd say a short prayer..."Jesus, bless my avocado and let it still be good when I decide to cut it." Okay, so I did this for like a week or two. I got the avocado like the Sunday before I went to Vegas. So this thing spent a good two weeks in my refrigerator after being ripe.

So finally, today, I took my avocado to work and cut it. It was so pretty; not a single brown spot! It was gorgeous. Just absolutely beautiful! Beautifully Ripe!!!

My point: God is concerned with the smallest details of our lives. We've all had produce go bad on us, and we almost expect it. It's not a big deal. So, why would God even care? It concerned Him, because it concerned me. This is the God who keeps the universe on course, He tells the ocean where to stop, and the sun when to shine. Yet, he has time to keep my avocado from going bad.

If he cares enough about the small things in our lives, how much more does he care about the big things? If he is listening to the arbitrary prayers (I'm not going to lose my faith over a piece of fruit gone bad.), how much more does he hear those prayers that are so dear our hearts?

Sometimes we feel like we are bothering God with our request, but he cares. "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him." God is looking for ways to show up in our lives. He seizes every opportunity...even the a moment as simple as keeping an avocado fresh.