A rant!

Okay, this is a rant. I am a grown woman. I make grown decisions. And I have a right to do so. I'm about sick of people trying to force their will on me or on other grown people. Recently, a situation came up. Now, this thing had been brewing for a while and I have had my passive moments. However, even in those moments, the pot is simmering and I know that I'm going to have to say something. Usually, when I don't say anything, I just get fed up and go Katie Kaboom. But, I'm trying to stay away from that.

So a certain gentleman likes touching me. He wants to touch my back, brush me as he passes, calls me over, get in my personal space, and makes passes that I ain't trying to catch. I've been a bit uncomfortable for a while, but just passive. I don't care for it, but don't want to hurt his feelings and all that stuff. Okay, that nice stuff is a crock. You can't be "nice" and "uncomfortable." It's called boundaries and you have to set them.

So, at anyrate, I decide to have a little talk. I call him over and say "Can I talk to you?" Dude, can you say DEFENSIVE. I mean dude didn't want me to get it out. He kept cutting me off and telling me that he didn't have a problem with me and he wanted to keep it that way. He doesn't think he said anything to offend me and he's sorry if he did. I'm straight trying to talk and he's raising his voice above mine and cuz he doesn't want to hear what I have to say. That's a hot mess and sista girl ain't going. Now, I'm trying to be discreet. I'm talking softly as to not cause a scene, but some people just can't accept that.

Now once my mind is made up, I'm gonna do what I came to do. So despite the fact that he was trying to prevent me from talking, Alicia had something to say. I don't care how nice and sweet you think I am, don't mistake it for weakness. He was going to let me talk. Now I didn't get loud and I remained a lady, but you can't just shut people up cause you don't want to be corrected.

The fact that he didn't want our interaction to change did not mean it didn't need to change. Him talking over me was basically saying, "I know you are going to tell me I'm doing something wrong, but I don't want to change. So I'm not going to listen to you because ignorance is bliss." Now, ain't that a hot mess. I'm sorry you get your kicks from touching me, but I'm not going to let you continue at my expense. What is really going on? You are not going to force yourself on me. I don't care that you are lonely. I have my moments too, but believe me, times ain't that rough. I realize that you have needs, but you need to find someone to help you with them cuz I ain't the one. You betta call on Jesus cuz Alicia can't help you. [Alicia gets off the soap box and exits stage right.]

Anyway

I must confess

Okay, this is my own response to my last blog. You know it is so easy to preach grace and encouragement to people because I really believe it and know that God is able to pick us up out of our mess. However, shortly after writing my last blog about not letting someone count you out, I did just that. I actually wish that I had only counted a basketball team out (Go Bucks!!! Final Four Baby!!!), but this time it was a person.

Sometimes it's just so natural to call a game when the cards are stacked against someone. Grace is a lot easier to extend to a stranger, but when it hits home, that's when the odds really seem insurmountable. It is those moments in our lives when we look at someone else's mess and literally turn up our nose. That's what I did. I turned up my nose, scrunched up my face, and said "yuck, what a waste!" (This is the transparent real talk that I'm known for) Truth is I'm glad that Jesus didn't say that when he was looking at me. He didn't say, "She did what?!?! Why would I waste my blood on her?" It's a good thing that I'm not God because that is probably what I would say.

The amazing thing about grace is that it literally cleanses you from all your filth and shame. Grace knows where you've been, what you've done, and how long you did it. Yet, it still decides to call you, choose you, and cover you. The gifts and calling of God are irrevocable. God knew your mess when he called you, but He also knew that His grace really was sufficient. I guess when I'm having those prideful, self-righteous moments, God reminds me that the same grace that has kept me from my sins (it is by grace that we are saves not of works, lest any man should boast), is the same grace that is able to deliver others from their sins. Grace is so powerful that it doesn't just save us in our mess, but it truly delivers us from our mess.

"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Rom 5:20-21

Don't let them count you out

Last night I received a text message to let me know that Ohio State was down by 20 points in their game against Tennessee. Being that I was born in Ohio and lived in Columbus for sometime. I can't help but be an avid Buckeye fan. Win or lose, "Go Bucks!" So when we were down in the first half, a diehard OSU hater decided that it would be a good time to gloat. Of course, I responded with "We can come back." Truth is you can't call a game at half time because only the final score counts.

It's really the same with our lives. Sometimes we screw up in the first half and things aren't going to way we would like them to, but we can still make a come back. Don't let someone count you out just because you are down right now. When the enemy, the avid hater of your soul, wants to gloat, accuse and beat you down, just know that battle is not over and you can still win. How many times do we hear the voices in the background rehearsing our past mistakes? Just know you can still make a comeback. Take a lesson from the Buckeyes and don't let the enemy count you out a halftime, when only the final score counts.

Take the lead

This past weekend I went swing dancing. It is one of the Saturday night activities that I enjoy. Honestly, I'm pretty good on my feet. I've decided that I'm going to have big band at my wedding reception so we can all swing dance. (Not that I'm planning a wedding, or have a ring, or a man....lol)

At any rate, I've made a few observations with swing dancing. For starters, the man must lead. It is not totally impossible to for the woman to lead. I mean I can tell a man how to turn me or where to put his hand, but for us to have a smooth dance, he's got to do it himself. He's got to take the lead.

In today's society, men have stopped taking the lead and many of us women don't know how to follow. But in swing dancing, it's not so. There have been those times when I didn't think the guy was doing the right move so I just put my hand where it was supposed to go, but it just didn't work. He wasn't ready and it just screwed up the whole move. If the man doesn't know what he's doing, the woman never gets a chance to strut her stuff. She's got to keep up with him. However, if a man really knows what he's doing, an inexperienced woman will look great, as long as she follows his lead.

This past weekend, I found it very interesting that I danced with a guy who's moves were too passive and subtle. So as we danced, I was doing guess work. I was guessing where he wanted me to go and in turn I took the dance over a bit more. It's actually the same in relationships. When a man is passive and a woman sees no leadership, she instictively takes over. A man is her security, but when he's not leading she becomes more dominate to give the relationship the stability. However, it's still unnatural.

I also got the change to dance with several guys who know what they were doing. I enjoyed dancing with this one in particular because every move was pointed and confident. I had no question of what he wanted and no problem following his lead. He would guide me in a spin and was quick to snap me back. He was confident in who he was and it freed me to be, it freed me to dance and strut in all my glory. Honestly, I loved every moment of it.

It really is a myth that women don't know how to be submissive and let the man be the head. Gentlemen, I invite you to start taking the lead.

Apples and Wine

I thought this was pretty accurate so I decided to share...lol.

Apples and Wine Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. Share this with all the good apples you know.

I did say pretty accurate not a 100%. lol